Jealousy

A friend just posted on fb that her ultrasound went well and that her son looks healthy.  I am so glad for her.  I am jealous, too.  I wish I could go back to that day in the ultrasound room and have someone shake me awake.  I wish that we never had to hear the words “incompatible with life.” I wish that I was stronger.  I want my son.  I want to know what he would look like at this age. I want to see him growing and changing and laughing.

I know that his life was perfect.  I know that he is in a better place away from the cares of this world.  I know these things, but I still hurt.  I still ache.  Thankfully, I have hope.  I have peace.  I have the love of a Father who cares to hold all my tears.

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