Other Children

Your other children are grieving, too.  If Little One is still with you, your children are fervently praying that Little Brother or Sister will live.  If Little One has passed, your children are desperately trying to make sense of their loss and your grief.

If other people offer to take your children away for a period of time, let them go.  Encourage them to go.  They need to be able to release their energy in a safe place.  They may be holding in their emotions so that they don’t upset you further.  You will be surprised at the conversations that Godly men and women who loved on your children at this time will tell you about later.  Your children need to be able to share with others what is going on inside their minds and hearts.

Let them go out back and play.  Let them make noise.  I couldn’t handle the noise, so I had to ask for help.  I wanted to be the one to love on them and make them feel alright again after Jedidiah died, but I couldn’t.  I didn’t have it in me to give at the time.  But, others did, so they let my boys be boys and run and jump and laugh and play.  They need that so very badly.

Your children will make comments that seem mean or harsh, often about their little brother or sister.  If Baby has some physical malformation, your children (or other children) may be scared of Little One.  Give them time.  Obviously, we remind them that they wouldn’t want harsh comments said about them, but understand their fear and concerns.

Be aware that behavior changes are very real, and they don’t alway manifest as you think they will.  One of my sons saw Jedidiah’s ashes when my husband and I were looking at them for the first time.  We didn’t realize how upsetting it was to him, for days.  He had gotten so disrespectful and withdrawn that it scared me.  Until he told me about seeing Jedidiah’s ashes, I had, truly, blanked out the incident because I myself had had to tell my husband to put them away, away somewhere where I would not know.  My son didn’t know how to express all that was going on inside himself.  God opened the doors, and I just held my son as he sobbed, sobbing right along with him.

Remember, there is alot of great help out there.  Loved ones, pastors, professional counselors.  Use any and all resources available to you to help your children cope with the loss of Little Brother or Sister.  In their getting help, you will be helped more than you can possibly imagine.

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