We are Jedidiah.

Jim and Jacob left for a medical mission trip just a few minutes ago.  I didn’t expect it to be so very hard to see them drive away.  With my heart still hurting, I don’t know if I could bear to have anything happen to them–even just being sick, as ridiculous as that sounds.

As the minivan drove away under the street lights, I was taken back to the night the funeral home assistant drove little Jedidiah’s body away from us.  Why is that everywhere I look and everything I do reminds me of him in some way?  I must stay focused on the here and now, on the joyful not the sad!

I am very grateful that they are able to go on this trip, working as part of the team that has been to the area many times helping people with their medical and dental needs.  I pray that God moves in the hearts of many down there, including Jim and Jacob’s.  They are so treasured.  And, I know that I will have to get to know them all over again when they get back.  There is always something new and exciting in life, even in the people we see every day.

Who would have thought going to the zoo would be so hard?  We had visited the Air Force Academy Chapel a couple of days before, and although seeing all the blue stained glass reminded me of Jedidiah and made me a little sad not to have him with me, I was able to remember the precious moments, and then enjoy seeing the rest of the chapel.  The zoo was a different story.  I felt at the verge of tears almost every moment we were there.  So many baby animals, yes, but more so were the many baby humans.  

There were soooo many babies there.  One was very tiny and had a couple of different tubes with a special feeder.  I found myself looking at all the babies and wondering how old they were.  Were any of them about 12 weeks old?  Did their mamas cherish every moment with them?  There were alot of pregnant mamas, too.  I wondered if any of them knew that they would one day too soon say goodbye to their little one.  I pray not. 

Johnny noticed the tears I couldn’t keep at bay once when we were at the grizzly bear enclosure, but, thankfully, the tears didn’t dampen his mood.  He seemed to understand that I just needed a moment.  He gave me a hug and a smile.  When the boys all got on the scale to see how many of them it took to weigh the same as an adult gorilla, I automatically added 3 pounds to the total.  When Joshua watched the tamarin, I loved to see the wonder in his face as he noticed the baby among them.  I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about how much he loved Jedidiah and wanted to be a good big brother to him. 

Thankfully, I didn’t feel disconnected from the family.  I am so much more aware of making our seconds count.