A lost child…

A lost child follows his mother all her life.  (paraphrase from The Forgotten Garden)

If that is true, will I feel incomplete for the rest of my earthly life?  Even mamas who have lost one of their own say that it gets easier.  What gets easier?  Hearing the word pregnancy, baby, infant, family?  Seeing a baby in his mama’s arms?  Wanting to answer the “how many kids do you have” question with the truth?  Having a hole inside me that seems to be getting bigger, not smaller?

I must hold on to God’s truth because otherwise I will drown in the sea of my hurt feelings.  My feelings betray me; they always have, but now they threaten to overtake me and hold fast only to the hurt and confusion and ache and anger.  Instead, I must keep moving, keep hoping, keep loving even when it hurts so much to do so.

Because, the truth is that I am surrounded by love, as was Jedidiah.  I am held and hugged and kissed, as was Jedidiah.  I am treasured and adored, as was Jedidiah.  I am a child of the King, as was Jedidiah.  I have a purpose and ministry, as did Jedidiah.  I have to remember all the lives he touched and all the hope that he brought.

A young friend, the daughter of a friend, made a drawing of the rainbow that she, her family, and many others saw on their way to Jedidiah’s life celebration.  How wonderful to know that even a month later that the rainbow God sent that night is in her young memory and that she reached out after all this time to be His servant and love me through her art.

A lost child follows his mother all her life.

One Comment to “A lost child…”

  1. Finally someone has written the words that I have always felt with my own two miscarragies and then Andrew. Thank you Angel.

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