Resolve

I have been keeping busy, on purpose.  When I am busy, I might think of something about Jedidiah, but there is much to do and I am able to shut off my brain.  When I am not busy, the pain and grief become too much to bear, and I do not want to write and revisit the pain.  Of course, writing has always helped in the past and it would be good to get back to it, but I don’t want to be a puddle on the floor all the time, and, for some reason, the last few days have been so hard.

Babies every time I turn around.  Their soft skin and sweet smiles.  Baby clothes to sort, knowing the only gown I ever got to put on our little boy was after he had taken his last breath and the funeral home assistant had arrived to take his body.  Their little feet, in shoes, out of shoes; shoes Jedidiah will never wear.  Their making messes; he never made a mess.  Truly, I never even changed a dirty diaper.  His little body shut down before it ever got to that.  A mama in a nursing shirt at the shoe store…

The list goes on.  Please pray that our resolve (for Jedidiah’s memory and legacy to have an impact on us and those around us) will not go listing in the sea of chosen forgetfulness to avoid the pain.

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