My prayer for this month – Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Awareness month – is that we can each share our grief journey openly and honestly, helping those who are just entering into their grief journeys or helping those who have denied that they even have a journey of grief that they are on.
Yesterday, I saw a new friend post on Facebook a picture of her baby’s nursery, mentioning how, after the loss of her daughter, she would go into that room and have a bit of solace in her peaceful, simple room. I began thinking about the fact that we never set up a room, or even a space in our room, for Jedidiah because we knew that we wouldn’t have him for long – if we got a chance to bring him home at all.
The grief journey is so different for each person. I once could not imagine finding solace in a room, but then again, I could not imagine finding solace at graveyard either. However, I had many friends who talked about how they had peace, thought more clearly, and remembered their loved one better at the gravesite. I, still – six and a half years later, do not know where Jedidiah’s ashes are. I know that’s a heavy burden to put on my husband, but I haven’t come to a place where I can address that tiny amount of ashes in the blue velvet bag. If you think a baby’s coffin is small, can you imagine my dismay at seeing that tiny bag? I receive solace knowing that my husband is protecting me and my heart.
For those of you who have not lost a child, it may seem frustrating to you to even imagine those feelings, or you may desire for those of us who have lived it to just stop posting about it, but I hope this month helps you to see that we are honoring the lives of our little ones. We are not trying to make your lives sadder but trying to share our grief. How can you bring solace to a hurting heart today? In community we are all stronger, kinder, and more compassionate.
Thank you for being part of my community, and thank you for reading my ramblings. I pray that you will reach out to others to share your story, whatever it may, so that you can strengthen them and grow closer together.
We are Jedidiah. 