The thrill of hope

Don’t I feel foolish. The ONEless video had a precious little with trisomy 21 (down’s syndrome). All the little ones were saying, “I am ONEless.”  His sign said, “I may have one more chromosome… But I am ONEless.” I lost it; my heart broke into pieces. I started sobbing, ran out of the sanctuary. Ugh. Grief is a process.
I typed that up as soon as I calmed down (yes, on my smart phone during church).  Then, the worship band began “O Holy Night.” The line “the thrill of hope, a weary world rejoices” felt like a hug from the LORD (and then again when Pastor Pat spoke specifically about them in his message).  I remembered the moment He restored my hope after we lost Jedidiah.  I remembered the aching, emptiness; I had just felt it anew.  Yet, there is hope.  I don’t know how to describe the difference in the depth of my emotions from yesterday to the moment of seeing that precious little boy today.  I missed Jedidiah yesterday, but my heart did not physically hurt like it does now, just wanting to lay down and cry until I sleep.  Today, I ache; the sobs are so close to the surface; my eyes are moist.  And, still, there is the thrill of hope… this weary mom rejoices.

One Comment to “The thrill of hope”

  1. I can so relate to the pain and the peace intermingling. This season is so difficult and sad but so hope-full at the same time.

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