11th 8th.

How God amazes me! Last week, a friend from out of state visited and requested to see Jedidiah’s Life Celebration DVD.  Then, two days ago, a friend asked me how I was. Yesterday, an acquaintance who lost her son more than 15 years ago approached me, asking me about Jedidiah’s birthday and how I am doing.  This morning, my sister texted, “Happy 8th. I miss him.”  Many 8ths have come and gone without anyone but me remembering, which is as it should be.  Yet, this month, God showed me how many people still remember my son and how many people love us.

I never realized that I would come to measure time by a single number, a single event.  Yet, as I ponder that, I guess that is what I have done with each of my children.  1 month, 2 months, … 8 months, 11 months.  We all do it.  I just have never done it in grief before.  Just like with my other children, time faded into half years and then full years. 

Time heals, they say.  I am not sure that it is time that heals, but our experiencing life as time marches on that is the true healing agent.  I have seen people who continue to nurse their grief, who continue to refuse to move forward for fear of letting go of their loved one.  Yet, Jedidiah is as much a part of my life now as he always was.  His life is not valued less because I have been able to see the good in his death.  His life is not valued less because I look at other babies and do not immediately think of him (which hasn’t actually happened but I imagine that it will).  He came into the world to bear witness of the marvelous love of Christ, the marvelous hope of something outside of us that we cannot control.  God is so good!

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