apathy and terror

My mother was hospitalized this week, and during a particularly dire time, she was quite apathetic.  She was unable to acknowledge my presence due to the illness, and when I got her to look into my eyes, her lack of emotion and “with-it-ness” terrified me.  Her eyes were glazed.   I begged God to take from me the lasting memory of my mother’s apathetic eyes.  Because another memory had tortured me.  I was taken back to Jedidiah’s eyes.   I felt paralyzed, just as I had with Jedidiah’s last look.  Yet, his was a look of terror.  How can the extremes of terror and apathy create the same feeling of despair?  Is it simply knowing that I was unable to relieve or comfort the ones I love?

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