Fake it ’til you make it.

Truth be told, there are not many smiles that I have now that are not thought out first.  My mind is so often on Jedidiah that when I am with others, I have to remind myself that they need a smile, a hug, a warm thought or word–that my loss is not the only loss in the world–that if I choose to, others will allow me to cry and to scream as often as I would like, but how is that helpful to them?

I had a friend who wanted to comfort me, and she shared how she had lost her father as a teenager.  She then said, “I know it isn’t the same,” as if her grief of losing her father was somehow less than my grief in losing my son.  I know the “natural order” of things, but I can’t help but thinking how selfish I would be and what a horrible, self-pitying and self-indulgent thought it would be for me to think that my loss is more significant, more grief-inducing, more pitiable than the loss of someone’s parent or someone’s sibling or even the loss of an early miscarriage.  Don’t get me wrong, I often think, “How can this person possibly understand what I am going through?”  Yet, I know that each loss of a loved one is significant.  Each life that has been created is precious.  Those who lose someone need to know that their grief is real; it is important.

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