We are Jedidiah.

I have been having heart palpitations since September.  They have been different than the others I have had since Joshua was born, so I wanted reassurance from a cardiologist.  He is sure that all is well, but he ordered an echo doppler (heart ultrasound) to be safe.  I prefer to go to doctor’s appointments alone, unless I am having a baby ultrasound.  🙂 Jim wanted to come with me, and even though it seemed awkward to me, I thought it was very sweet and didn’t try to talk him out of it; he is my husband, after all.  Apparently, however, the policy is no extra peeps in the room.  So, he waited in the waiting room.  Boy was I angry!  I couldn’t figure out why until I had lain down and looked at the ultrasound screen.  I was immediately taken back to all those baby ultrasounds we had with Jedidiah.  I couldn’t look at the screen, and I silently cried for my little one.  I was doing ok until she turned on the volume and I heard my heart beating.  I couldn’t hold back the sobs and the poor girl was so worried about me.  I choked out why I was crying and she went to get Jim for me.  God knew I needed him near.  She gave us a few minutes alone.  The stabbing pain, the searing ache… I felt them anew.   I had to choose, again, to focus on all the positives–all the love, all the opportunities for reaching people, all the joy that Jedidiah’s life has brought.

Posted on November 29, 2011 at 4:00 pm in Uncategorized   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL